Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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