and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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