When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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