i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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