I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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