Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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