No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
