somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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