How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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