"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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