a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize