my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
