During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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