beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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