Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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