oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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