Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
