so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize