Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
