he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
