Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
