This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
