Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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