between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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