PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
