He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
