Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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