Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
