if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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