those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
