Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
