no, he came in my armpit
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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