Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
