I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
