sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
