in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
