i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
