I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
