She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
