hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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