is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
