so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
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You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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