He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
