you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
