So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just google imaged poop.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
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I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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