I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
