My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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