Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
