I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
