GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
