just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Houston, we have a blender
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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