I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
