Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
