Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
