I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
