Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
