I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
