how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
