I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
