Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i've created a new STD.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
