At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
