I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
