Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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