this beer tastes like vomit already
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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